Mindless CEOs

[00:00:11] is that better?

[00:00:13] Yes.

[00:00:13] Do a sit up the whole time, but like stay halfway up.

[00:00:16] This chair will fall backwards if I lean too far back.

[00:00:20] You have a terrible chair.

[00:00:23] I found that out the hard way.

[00:00:25] Did you actually fall over one day?

[00:00:27] Oh, yeah.

[00:00:27] You didn't tell me.

[00:00:28] I would have pulled the footage.

[00:00:29] Yeah, the cow was in my lap and I was stretching right and I started leaning back because I

[00:00:34] was like, you know, you can do that in chairs.

[00:00:37] And I leaned so far back, I fell.

[00:00:39] Oh, my gosh.

[00:00:41] So now I'm always like, ooh.

[00:00:44] He's just slowly stretching like, oh, this is nice.

[00:00:47] This is nice.

[00:00:48] Panic.

[00:00:50] But I'm always panicking at the disco.

[00:00:55] I should probably mute my phone.

[00:00:56] It's been going off a lot today and I hate it.

[00:00:59] Oh, yeah.

[00:01:00] Responsibilities suck, right?

[00:01:04] Man, some lady texted me like a whole story about her life.

[00:01:08] Shut up.

[00:01:09] Look.

[00:01:10] That's me.

[00:01:10] That's so many, huh?

[00:01:12] That's me.

[00:01:12] That's mean?

[00:01:14] That was me and I was excited and I wanted to share it with my husband.

[00:01:18] God forbid.

[00:01:19] Why are you getting upset about it?

[00:01:21] When did I say it was a bad thing that I got shared information?

[00:01:26] You said some lady.

[00:01:29] I'm not some lady.

[00:01:30] I'm your wife.

[00:01:32] You're saying the same thing right now.

[00:01:34] I don't.

[00:01:36] Is it pen or pen?

[00:01:38] Pen.

[00:01:38] Pen?

[00:01:40] You stick on a pen and then write with your pen?

[00:01:42] A pen and a pen.

[00:01:43] Yeah, you're saying the same thing.

[00:01:45] It's the same.

[00:01:46] I'm...

[00:01:48] Stop asking me to say that on the podcast.

[00:01:50] I'm pretty sure you've done that before.

[00:01:52] Well, yeah, but it's still relevant.

[00:01:53] No, it's not relevant.

[00:01:55] You're relevant.

[00:01:57] I'm always relevant.

[00:01:59] Okay, so...

[00:02:00] Oh, no, it's Revenant.

[00:02:03] Revenant?

[00:02:04] Revenant.

[00:02:05] Same thing.

[00:02:06] What does Revenant mean?

[00:02:08] It's like a synonym for rubbing one out.

[00:02:10] It's not, but okay.

[00:02:12] Oh.

[00:02:14] Well, let me look it up then.

[00:02:16] The Revenant.

[00:02:18] A person who has returned.

[00:02:19] While exploring the uncharted wilderness in 1823,

[00:02:22] Frontiersman Hugh Glass sustains life-threatening...

[00:02:25] That's the movie.

[00:02:26] That's the movie, not the definition of the word Revenant.

[00:02:28] Don't touch that.

[00:02:29] I heard it and you did too.

[00:02:31] A Revenant is a person who has returned,

[00:02:33] especially supposedly from the dead.

[00:02:37] What did I say?

[00:02:39] You were talking...

[00:02:40] You were telling us about the movie, The Revenant,

[00:02:41] where that guy gets attacked by a bear, right?

[00:02:43] Yeah, that's the same thing.

[00:02:45] That guy gets attacked.

[00:02:47] Leo DiCaprio.

[00:02:49] His name is Leo DiCaprio.

[00:02:51] I mean Da Vinci.

[00:02:52] And then everyone boos.

[00:02:53] It's a fine time.

[00:02:55] I'm a little too old for him now.

[00:02:57] I'm 27.

[00:02:58] You've been too old.

[00:03:02] What's that age?

[00:03:03] It starts with a two.

[00:03:04] I'm out of here.

[00:03:05] No, I think it's 24, right?

[00:03:07] What's the age?

[00:03:08] Is it 24?

[00:03:08] I don't know.

[00:03:09] I don't keep up with celebrity stuff anymore.

[00:03:12] Caprio age of girlfriends.

[00:03:16] Oh, there's a chart.

[00:03:17] There's a chart.

[00:03:19] Typically in their early 20s.

[00:03:21] He's known for ending relationships before his partner's turned 26.

[00:03:25] Okay, I guess you did just make the cutoff.

[00:03:27] Grandma.

[00:03:29] And...

[00:03:30] Hey, I wasn't a spinster yet when we got married.

[00:03:34] I had at least another year to go.

[00:03:37] I still have no money and no prospects though.

[00:03:41] I have no cows to give you.

[00:03:43] All I have is Halo Buddha.

[00:03:45] Yay.

[00:03:47] Ugh.

[00:03:48] Well.

[00:03:49] Anyways, welcome back to Mindless Prattle, the show where we talk to you about things you

[00:03:54] might want to hear about.

[00:03:55] I don't know.

[00:03:56] I just work here.

[00:03:57] My name is Ripley.

[00:03:59] That's Jordan, the one who sounds like he's too close to me.

[00:04:02] Yeah.

[00:04:05] What?

[00:04:05] What?

[00:04:06] Because you said we're too close?

[00:04:09] Is that not funny?

[00:04:10] Ah.

[00:04:12] I'm laughing on the inside.

[00:04:13] I thought it was funny.

[00:04:14] But not very much.

[00:04:17] Listen.

[00:04:19] I'm being my most authentic self.

[00:04:24] Soon it'll be vintage.

[00:04:26] And then it goes to antique.

[00:04:27] Okay, no.

[00:04:28] You know what?

[00:04:30] My coworkers will be like, Ripley, I'm going to a 90s party.

[00:04:34] Can you tell me if this is something you guys would have worn?

[00:04:38] When you were three?

[00:04:39] Or they'll be like, oh, we're going as Tumblr girls.

[00:04:43] Can you tell me if this fits the style?

[00:04:46] Is this what you guys wore in middle school and high school?

[00:04:48] So you're saying you act way more mature at work than you do here?

[00:04:53] Sometimes.

[00:04:54] All the time.

[00:04:55] I'm required to is the problem.

[00:04:58] That fell.

[00:04:59] Did you just drop Buddha?

[00:05:01] You think Buddha is that heavy?

[00:05:03] I don't know.

[00:05:04] What's in there?

[00:05:06] It's plastic.

[00:05:07] It's all plastic.

[00:05:08] Oh, your phone.

[00:05:08] What's in where?

[00:05:10] Where are you looking?

[00:05:11] I meant to say, like, what'd you drop?

[00:05:13] But I said, what's in there?

[00:05:15] I don't know.

[00:05:16] It's a real mystery.

[00:05:18] All right.

[00:05:20] Okay.

[00:05:21] So I had a few things I wanted to talk about.

[00:05:24] Listen here, Grandma.

[00:05:25] All right.

[00:05:25] We don't need to talk about the 90s every time.

[00:05:28] Okay?

[00:05:28] Okay.

[00:05:28] It happened.

[00:05:29] It's over now.

[00:05:30] It's over now.

[00:05:31] But do you want, like, the fun would you rather section?

[00:05:34] The holiday gift giving section?

[00:05:36] Or the kind of serious but I want to know about it section?

[00:05:39] We did gift giving last week.

[00:05:41] It's a different gift giving.

[00:05:42] Fear.

[00:05:43] You're terrible at serious stories.

[00:05:45] They always end in people dying.

[00:05:46] They're not serious stories.

[00:05:47] It's just like, I want to ask about things that...

[00:05:50] Yeah, I know.

[00:05:51] I know what you're talking about.

[00:05:52] Thank you for letting me get my full answer out, though, before you rudely interrupt it again.

[00:05:57] As I was saying, we did gift giving last week and you're terrible at giving serious questions and stories.

[00:06:02] So we'll go with the first one about rathers.

[00:06:04] Okay.

[00:06:05] So, you know, I can't remember if it was last episode or the one before that, but we talked about dark romance.

[00:06:10] Yeah, stop hitting that.

[00:06:11] We talked about dark romance, right?

[00:06:12] Yeah.

[00:06:13] So I was like, there's this section of TikTok that they'll do, like, would you rathers or, like, hear me out, but it's, like, describing the plot of these novels.

[00:06:27] So I thought it'd be fun to ask you some theoretical questions, right?

[00:06:32] Okay.

[00:06:33] Would you rather fall in love with a brooding vampire who might lose control or a dangerous but protective mafia boss?

[00:06:42] That's just Twilight.

[00:06:44] There's no mafia boss in Twilight.

[00:06:46] You, okay, no.

[00:06:48] They had all the werewolves.

[00:06:49] They all stick together and they're like, we're a big tough guy and they all don't wear shirts.

[00:06:53] That's the mafia.

[00:06:55] The mafia definitely wears shirts.

[00:06:57] Not when they're cold.

[00:06:58] I mean, if I looked like those guys from Twilight, I wouldn't wear shirts either.

[00:07:01] Okay, but you're just asking me who would I go with, Edward or Jacob.

[00:07:05] That's all you're asking me here.

[00:07:06] Well.

[00:07:08] That's all you're going with.

[00:07:09] Vampire or mafia boss?

[00:07:11] Vampire or werewolf, that's what you're going with.

[00:07:13] Or mafia boss.

[00:07:15] That's not what you're asking.

[00:07:17] Okay.

[00:07:17] I was making fun of it, but read the whole question again.

[00:07:20] I wasn't listening.

[00:07:20] Would you rather fall in love with a brooding vampire who might lose control or a dangerous but protective mafia boss?

[00:07:27] You fall in love.

[00:07:28] Do I get to be in the mafia or be a vampire or just in love with them?

[00:07:32] No, you're their love interest.

[00:07:33] So I don't get to be a vampire?

[00:07:36] No.

[00:07:36] I mean, maybe you could convince them to bite you.

[00:07:40] Wow, that's dumb.

[00:07:41] I'd rather do the mafia boss then.

[00:07:44] I mean, you know some people.

[00:07:46] You're not going to become a vampire.

[00:07:47] There's no point.

[00:07:48] People are like, oh, the mafia is so terrible.

[00:07:51] No, man.

[00:07:52] You're telling me if an attractive, young Italian ripped guy.

[00:07:58] Why does he got to be Italian?

[00:07:59] That's racist.

[00:08:02] Didn't the Italians start mafia?

[00:08:04] So?

[00:08:07] Isn't that like the prerequisite for being in mafia?

[00:08:09] You have to be Italian partially or.

[00:08:13] I don't know about anything about the mafia.

[00:08:16] But I'm just saying if a young ripped guy that's super attractive and has billions of dollars wanted to be with you.

[00:08:23] And the only thing is they don't want anybody else to talk to you and they'll give you whatever you want.

[00:08:28] And all you have to do is be available to them 24-7.

[00:08:31] Frankly, I'm taking that deal.

[00:08:34] Like, oh, you're going to go do mafia boss things?

[00:08:37] I'll sit here and write my books.

[00:08:39] Can you buy me this $10,000 laptop?

[00:08:41] Thank you.

[00:08:43] I was just looking.

[00:08:44] Yeah.

[00:08:44] Well, plus, like, if you're always under the threat of, like, being killed, I'd rather have it be from a mafia boss who you might stand a chance against instead of, like, a vampire.

[00:08:53] You know?

[00:08:53] Yeah, I know.

[00:08:54] Like, you're not going to win that fight if he, like, loses control.

[00:08:56] But if the mafia boss loses control, you'd be like, I also have a gun.

[00:08:59] Pop out.

[00:08:59] Like, you know.

[00:09:00] But I think it's, like, I'm an adult now.

[00:09:02] So, like, I don't want it to be, like, a teen thing.

[00:09:04] It would be like, just turn me into a vampire.

[00:09:07] Move on.

[00:09:07] I was curious.

[00:09:08] So, I looked up mafia versus cartel.

[00:09:11] Not because I wanted to see them fight, although that would be cool.

[00:09:14] That sounds like a video game thing.

[00:09:16] Like, Mortal Kombat versus DC Universe.

[00:09:19] Yeah.

[00:09:19] All it says is the mafia and cartels are both criminal organizations but differ in origin, structure, and activities.

[00:09:27] All right.

[00:09:28] Sure.

[00:09:29] Like, if one does papier-mâché and the other one's like, no, styrofoam modeling is the way to go.

[00:09:34] Like, they're different.

[00:09:34] I don't know.

[00:09:35] Here.

[00:09:36] I can get some info on this.

[00:09:37] The mafia originated in Sicily in the 19th century during their transition from feudalism to capitalism,

[00:09:43] and cartels first appeared in industries that were previously under free market conditions around 1870.

[00:09:50] Really?

[00:09:50] Mine says that you can find traces of the mafia in Sicily in the 13th to 15th centuries during the late Middle Ages.

[00:10:00] It evolved from those clans and groups to the later.

[00:10:04] The modern one, yeah.

[00:10:05] In the mafia, all members except for associates are officially part of a crime family.

[00:10:10] The highest positions are in the administration, and below that are factions led by a cap regime.

[00:10:16] I don't know how to say that.

[00:10:18] If the mafia is listening, please don't kill us for that one.

[00:10:21] In a drug cartel, the highest position is the drug lord, who is responsible for supervising the drug industry.

[00:10:28] The second highest position is the lieutenant.

[00:10:31] Okay.

[00:10:33] Activities.

[00:10:33] The Mexican government refers to several criminal organizations as cartels in the Mexican War on Drugs.

[00:10:39] However, some argue that the gangs don't meet the definition of a cartel because of the competitive nature of the drug trade and the lack of a hierarchical structure.

[00:10:49] We sell drugs, but we ain't in the cartel.

[00:10:51] How do you know that there's a lack of a hierarchical structure?

[00:10:54] Like, so many countries have made it illegal.

[00:10:55] Like, they might have their own black market structure that we're just like, yeah, I don't know, man.

[00:11:02] Stop hitting it.

[00:11:03] I'm sorry!

[00:11:03] You know you're doing it.

[00:11:06] Here you go.

[00:11:07] You know what?

[00:11:07] The Mexican cartel versus the Italian mafia versus the Japanese Yakuza.

[00:11:12] This does say that the Sicilian mafia and the American mafia are different groups.

[00:11:17] I mean, yeah, there's like a whole body of water between them.

[00:11:24] But, I don't know, I think I'd rather the mafia than the cartel, frankly.

[00:11:30] Maybe it's because the mafia built Las Vegas, and I'm like, you know what, they do some good things.

[00:11:33] Just so everyone's aware, my name is not Frank Lee, okay?

[00:11:39] She's always referring to me as Frank Lee.

[00:11:41] Not my name.

[00:11:43] Speaking of mafia, do you see that hit on the UnitedHealth CEO?

[00:11:47] That guy was an assassin.

[00:11:50] Okay.

[00:11:52] I don't, I don't know.

[00:11:54] I think it had to have been like a group effort or something, right?

[00:11:58] Because like, you're telling me this guy just disappeared in the middle of those busy streets and...

[00:12:02] If I was an assassin, I would look to be a part of a group of assassins.

[00:12:06] That would be cooler.

[00:12:07] Video games have taught me that.

[00:12:09] And also safer.

[00:12:10] That's cooler.

[00:12:11] It's cooler and safer.

[00:12:13] But the dude walked up, had a suppressed weapon, all three bullets he had written words on.

[00:12:23] Shot the dude and then walked away calmly.

[00:12:26] No one who does like hits or killings out of like anger or their first time will walk away calmly.

[00:12:33] They'll always like sprint away.

[00:12:35] And there was a witness.

[00:12:36] There was a lady there.

[00:12:37] Did you see the video?

[00:12:38] She just like freaked out, got against the wall and he just looked at her and then walked away.

[00:12:42] Plus, how long does it take to carve words on the bullets?

[00:12:46] And have you seen the memes?

[00:12:47] Memes.

[00:12:48] People are making like freedom fighter memes that are like with the three words that were on the bullets.

[00:12:53] And I'm like, ah, we're living in the worst timeline.

[00:12:56] And then in response to that, a bunch of companies have started taking the pictures of their CEOs and like hierarchical structure off their websites and the about us pages.

[00:13:06] And people are like, you can just go to their archive.

[00:13:09] Like everything on the internet is archived.

[00:13:11] Nothing is going to get taken away.

[00:13:13] God, I need to find that quote.

[00:13:14] But it's like that thing where it's like, we are your waiters.

[00:13:19] We're your thing.

[00:13:21] Yeah.

[00:13:22] My best description of it was someone posted somewhat, I think the day afterward.

[00:13:28] And they were like, I think rich people have forgotten that the organized formal address of their workers banding together in a union and giving them their list of demands and complaints

[00:13:41] was the alternative that we worked out a long time ago to busting down their front door and beating them in front of their families.

[00:13:49] And recent events have proved that no one cares if we go back to that.

[00:13:52] Yeah.

[00:13:53] I think when you ignore problems in society for as long as like our society has, this is kind of the natural progression of that.

[00:14:01] Like people are angry.

[00:14:02] You know what we should do?

[00:14:04] Build a coliseum.

[00:14:07] Yeah?

[00:14:07] Yep.

[00:14:08] Why?

[00:14:08] Give the people blood and bread.

[00:14:10] What do you mean?

[00:14:11] The Romans did it and it worked out great for them.

[00:14:14] It's bread and circuses.

[00:14:17] What do you think happens at the Roman circus?

[00:14:21] It's blood.

[00:14:25] But all I'm saying is we're following like a very similar pattern to that of we have a lot of people in charge.

[00:14:32] We don't have a lot.

[00:14:33] We have a lot of population that doesn't feel like they're being listened to.

[00:14:37] Some of them do, I'm sure.

[00:14:38] Oh.

[00:14:38] Some of them don't.

[00:14:41] And when higher ranking people in society start being killed, what they look to was entertain the masses with blood.

[00:14:50] I found the quote I'm thinking about is from Fight Club.

[00:14:53] It's where he goes, we cook your meals.

[00:14:56] We haul your trash.

[00:14:57] We connect your calls.

[00:14:58] We drive your ambulances.

[00:15:00] We guard you while you sleep.

[00:15:02] Do not fuck with us.

[00:15:04] And I think that's a pretty good thing.

[00:15:06] Like I don't know if people realize that like these companies are built on the backs of lower class people.

[00:15:12] And once that class stops trusting you and stops trusting that you'll take care of them and their family, you go and get fucked up.

[00:15:20] You know?

[00:15:20] If anyone's wondering if someone's knocking at our door.

[00:15:23] No, that's just Ripley repeatedly hitting the microphone.

[00:15:26] I'm sorry.

[00:15:27] I'm trying so hard not to.

[00:15:30] Okay, but I was talking about the would you rather stuff.

[00:15:33] I've seen a good amount of people posting about how they're getting their prices raised or their hours lowered or their either wages cut or hours cut or just jobs cut altogether because of like upcoming tariffs that just companies are preparing for.

[00:15:49] It's like people didn't know what tariffs did.

[00:15:51] And then I saw one of the leaders of like the steel trade union is upset because Trump just announced that he's going to deny the unions like one of the unions like mergers with something else.

[00:16:07] And the leader of the steel union was like, he lied to us.

[00:16:11] He said he was going to help support us and this and that.

[00:16:14] And we were like, the top comment was like, yes, he lied about everything else.

[00:16:18] But oh, surprise, surprise.

[00:16:20] He lied to you too.

[00:16:20] What a shock.

[00:16:21] You know, honestly, you can just politician lied.

[00:16:25] World shocked.

[00:16:26] Yeah, I know.

[00:16:26] I'm like that you could say that about either side.

[00:16:28] Like even if even if Kamala wouldn't be the same thing.

[00:16:31] But she said she's going to do this.

[00:16:32] But now she's saying something else.

[00:16:33] Like, yes, she wanted you to vote for her.

[00:16:35] That's what politicians do.

[00:16:37] Like they all do the same thing.

[00:16:42] I really want to ask you more of these really specific weird questions.

[00:16:45] Right.

[00:16:46] The first one was just Twilight.

[00:16:47] That's not specific or weird.

[00:16:49] That's just a throwback.

[00:16:50] Grandma.

[00:16:50] Would you rather spend eternity as a ghost tied to the crumbling ruins of your lover's mansion or live one lifetime together knowing they'll forget you after you die?

[00:16:59] How long is the lifetime?

[00:17:04] You're asking the question.

[00:17:06] You got to decide these things.

[00:17:07] A standard lifetime.

[00:17:09] 60, 70 years.

[00:17:10] 60 or 70.

[00:17:11] 70 or 60 is a big difference.

[00:17:13] 70 years.

[00:17:13] That's 10 years.

[00:17:14] 70?

[00:17:14] All right.

[00:17:14] We're out.

[00:17:15] We're under the fucking US standard of life.

[00:17:17] That's cool.

[00:17:18] You know, our life expectancy is 74 right now.

[00:17:21] It's not very high compared to the rest of the world.

[00:17:22] But I don't like that you're only giving me 70.

[00:17:24] You're going to stab me?

[00:17:25] 80 then.

[00:17:26] 80 years.

[00:17:27] No, we're going with 70.

[00:17:28] It's too late now.

[00:17:29] So 70 years or I get to haunt a mansion.

[00:17:32] Is mansion just where you happen to be living?

[00:17:35] Like if you die right now, I'd have to, like if I die right now, I'd have to haunt this apartment complex.

[00:17:39] Well, yeah, but like in Gothic romance literature, even like the ones from way back in the 1800s, you have to have a crumbling mansion.

[00:17:48] Like it's a big theme.

[00:17:49] It's fun to me because like, you know, 99% of people did not have mansions lying around.

[00:17:54] Well, so a big part of it comes about the civil rights movement in England during the Industrial Revolution.

[00:18:01] So a lot of the themes were like the crumbling and decay of the wealthy class and like it being overthrown by wild, passionate young people.

[00:18:11] So like a lot of times you'll see things like that where they're in a crumbling mansion.

[00:18:14] Stop having passionate sex in my mansion.

[00:18:16] It's crumbling without you.

[00:18:17] No, literally.

[00:18:17] Okay.

[00:18:19] It's because novels like Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre were considered very risque for their time.

[00:18:27] And I'm just like...

[00:18:27] Her ankle showed slightly in the wind.

[00:18:29] They're like talking about like people cheating on their husbands and wives emotionally and things like that.

[00:18:35] And they're like, and they touched hands and it was too passionate.

[00:18:39] The wind blew slightly longer than normal.

[00:18:42] I think I want to be the ghost, wouldn't you?

[00:18:44] I don't want to be a ghost.

[00:18:45] You don't want to be a ghost?

[00:18:47] No, I would want to be a ghost.

[00:18:48] He just said, I think I'd want to be the ghost.

[00:18:50] I don't want to be a ghost.

[00:18:51] I said, I think I'd want to be a ghost.

[00:18:53] I'd be a ghost.

[00:18:54] He did not say that.

[00:18:57] I'll do the ghost.

[00:18:58] I mean...

[00:18:59] You'll do the ghost?

[00:19:00] Yeah, that too.

[00:19:04] Even if it's not some mansion, it'd be pretty funny because someone would move in and be like, time to haunt this motherfucker.

[00:19:10] You just go after him.

[00:19:13] Okay.

[00:19:14] So I can ask more, but it actually reminded me.

[00:19:17] There's this whole class of like...

[00:19:20] I don't know if you'd describe them as romance novels.

[00:19:22] I haven't read any of them.

[00:19:24] They're very specific.

[00:19:25] Where people will fall in love.

[00:19:30] That is very specific, yes.

[00:19:32] Most novels, people don't fall in love.

[00:19:34] But they fall in love with like a door.

[00:19:38] Or things like that.

[00:19:40] What?

[00:19:44] Okay, so...

[00:19:45] Yeah, so like there's one...

[00:19:46] This door falls...

[00:19:48] It's from the perspective of the door.

[00:19:50] And the door falls in love with the woman living in his apartment.

[00:19:55] Okay.

[00:20:00] Okay, so...

[00:20:01] What are you reading right now?

[00:20:02] You're just like stumbling through this.

[00:20:04] What is happening?

[00:20:04] I'm so confused.

[00:20:06] I recently learned about this novel.

[00:20:08] First, I want to tell you what it's called.

[00:20:10] And you can guess the plot, right?

[00:20:12] Okay.

[00:20:13] It's called Basted.

[00:20:15] Okay.

[00:20:15] What would you think this book's about?

[00:20:19] Basted, huh?

[00:20:20] Uh-huh.

[00:20:20] Does someone become a turkey baster?

[00:20:23] No, it's worse.

[00:20:30] Okay, so...

[00:20:31] It's a Thanksgiving-themed novel.

[00:20:34] Alright, that was close.

[00:20:35] Where the woman catches her boyfriend cheating on her.

[00:20:39] And they had planned to go to Thanksgiving dinner dressed like turkeys together.

[00:20:45] So...

[00:20:47] So she dressed like a turkey, goes to Thanksgiving dinner by herself.

[00:20:52] And she's real horny, right?

[00:20:55] And she sees the turkey.

[00:20:58] And she's like, hmm...

[00:21:00] Turkey baster sounds like a great way to get off, right?

[00:21:05] But then the turkey becomes sentient.

[00:21:11] And...

[00:21:12] She hooks up with a group of turkeys.

[00:21:15] And here's the description on Amazon, right?

[00:21:18] Are they cooked turkeys?

[00:21:19] Or like live turkeys?

[00:21:21] Here, yeah.

[00:21:21] Like, where is she at that there's turkeys?

[00:21:22] Yeah, they're cooked turkeys for Thanksgiving dinner.

[00:21:24] Thanksgiving is meant to be a joyous time of year.

[00:21:27] But when I catch my boyfriend cheating, it's anything but.

[00:21:31] After watching that scumbag leave the restaurant with his side piece, I find comfort where I always do.

[00:21:36] With a hot, meaty meal.

[00:21:38] And then I meet him.

[00:21:40] Master baster and his two brothers, Pip and Jet.

[00:21:43] Three turkey basters completely devoted to me.

[00:21:46] What more could a heartbroken girl ask for on Thanksgiving?

[00:21:50] Content consideration.

[00:21:52] Basted is a paranormal romance with a curvy female main character who finds love wherever she wants it.

[00:21:58] And sentient turkey basters who won't quit until her new woman is theirs.

[00:22:04] Who owns three turkey basters at once?

[00:22:07] We don't even own one.

[00:22:09] Yeah, like I don't have turkeys that often, but still.

[00:22:12] It's got a 3.2 out of 5 stars on Kindle.

[00:22:17] 2.8 on Goodreads.

[00:22:19] But some highlights.

[00:22:22] Somebody said, wild fever dream of a story.

[00:22:26] Okay.

[00:22:29] Somebody said, this is a weird Thanksgiving read.

[00:22:31] It's not a bad story, but it just wasn't for me.

[00:22:34] That's very polite.

[00:22:35] It's not a bad story, but it wasn't for me.

[00:22:37] This one.

[00:22:38] I don't even know how I came across this book.

[00:22:40] I've been reading fantasies.

[00:22:41] So a monster romance novel sounded interesting.

[00:22:44] If this was your first introduction to monster romance, I think you would probably never read another novel tagged with that genre again.

[00:22:53] You'd be like, what the fuck?

[00:22:55] Yeah, I don't know.

[00:22:57] That's...

[00:22:59] No thanks.

[00:23:00] I don't know.

[00:23:00] But the reviews range from like one star, like I'm disgusted, to five stars.

[00:23:08] Like this is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life.

[00:23:14] Do you have another would you rather?

[00:23:16] I do.

[00:23:17] I have more.

[00:23:18] That's good.

[00:23:18] Because I don't know how to respond to that.

[00:23:20] That's...

[00:23:21] All right.

[00:23:22] Would you rather make a deal with a demon to save your lover, binding their soul to yours, or let the demon take you instead, leaving your lover free but broken?

[00:23:31] Whose soul's getting bound to mine?

[00:23:33] The demons?

[00:23:36] Yep.

[00:23:37] You and the demon will be bound together.

[00:23:39] What is that?

[00:23:39] Or your lover and the demon will be together.

[00:23:44] Wait.

[00:23:45] What?

[00:23:46] Okay.

[00:23:46] You're not making any sense.

[00:23:48] You can bind your soul to your love.

[00:23:51] So like me and you would be bound together souls.

[00:23:53] Okay.

[00:23:54] Or let the demon take you instead, leaving your lover free but like they'll be broken.

[00:23:59] Like their soul will be broken.

[00:24:01] What does bound together mean?

[00:24:02] Like if you get sad, I get sad?

[00:24:05] Like our emotions tied together too?

[00:24:07] I think we'd like we'd die.

[00:24:09] If you died, I'd die type of thing.

[00:24:12] Like we'd be connected.

[00:24:14] Or the soul would be connected?

[00:24:16] It's not like celebrity where like I can feel what you feel.

[00:24:19] No.

[00:24:19] E.T.

[00:24:22] I mean, I guess I'll do that then.

[00:24:24] I thought you meant like he'll bring you back but then I'll be tied to a demon.

[00:24:29] I'm like, all right, I don't know what that means but sure.

[00:24:32] That would make a really funny novel actually.

[00:24:34] Like a comedic novel where like the love of your life dies or something.

[00:24:42] And you're like begging for their life and you're like, I'll give whatever to whoever.

[00:24:47] And the demon shows up and is like, great timing actually.

[00:24:51] I will save your love if you let me bind my soul to yours.

[00:24:54] And then you have to say yes and then you're just stuck with a demon.

[00:24:57] Bind your soul.

[00:24:58] I don't know.

[00:24:59] I'll do the soul bound thing.

[00:25:00] I don't see a downside in it.

[00:25:03] If you're ever just like, you get to be too much and be like, we're both going out now.

[00:25:07] And then we're both gone.

[00:25:10] Would you rather have your emotions tied to mine or like feelings tied to mine?

[00:25:14] Like senses.

[00:25:15] Just touch though.

[00:25:17] Feelings.

[00:25:18] You want feelings?

[00:25:19] You wouldn't want touch?

[00:25:21] No, like touch.

[00:25:22] Like touch.

[00:25:24] You said emotions or touch.

[00:25:26] Yeah, emotions or touch.

[00:25:27] What did I say?

[00:25:29] Okay, touch.

[00:25:30] Touch.

[00:25:31] I would prefer touch.

[00:25:33] Rather than emotions.

[00:25:34] So like no matter what you're doing, you would always feel what I would be feeling.

[00:25:37] I would just be like, and you would feel that.

[00:25:40] I could wear gloves.

[00:25:42] I just think that.

[00:25:43] Then I'd feel like the inside of gloves and you would feel whatever I was touching.

[00:25:46] I just feel like that would make sex really cool, right?

[00:25:51] That's what you're thinking about.

[00:25:55] What can I say?

[00:25:56] I love my husband.

[00:25:57] I think there's a Black Mirror episode about that where one of the guys is testing a device

[00:26:03] to learn like what medical problems feels like so he can help diagnose things faster.

[00:26:08] But then he takes it home so he can feel what his wife feels when they have sex.

[00:26:12] But then it breaks so that it rewires his own brain to where he can't.

[00:26:18] The pain makes him like gives him pleasure.

[00:26:21] So then he starts like hurting her during sex.

[00:26:23] And like it's yeah.

[00:26:25] Have you seen that one?

[00:26:26] No.

[00:26:27] Yeah.

[00:26:27] Like the first part was good.

[00:26:29] Where you would feel the pleasure and the pain separately.

[00:26:32] But then it like rewires something.

[00:26:33] So he only gets pleasure from the pain.

[00:26:36] Damn.

[00:26:37] Yeah.

[00:26:38] Sucks to be him.

[00:26:39] Nah, it's Black Mirror.

[00:26:39] What are you going to do?

[00:26:41] You know some people that I talk to still don't understand what Black Mirror is a reference

[00:26:46] to?

[00:26:49] I know.

[00:26:50] I know what it.

[00:26:51] I've looked it up and I know what it is, but I can't remember what it is right now.

[00:26:56] Go on.

[00:26:57] No.

[00:26:58] Like can you explain it?

[00:26:59] Oh, it's supposed to be like because all of our phone screens are black.

[00:27:02] So if you turn them off, you have a Black Mirror.

[00:27:05] Oh, yeah.

[00:27:05] You look at it.

[00:27:06] It's not that deep.

[00:27:08] It's just like.

[00:27:09] I feel like there was something else to it as well.

[00:27:12] Hmm.

[00:27:12] Like from like a story or something.

[00:27:14] Yeah.

[00:27:15] In other news, Ripley got a 3D printer this week and she's just been printing like crazy.

[00:27:20] I keep telling her slow down, but she's gone wild.

[00:27:23] She's got dragons.

[00:27:24] She's got bookmarks.

[00:27:25] It's ridiculous over here.

[00:27:27] You know what?

[00:27:28] Jordan's been absolutely insane with his fucking printer.

[00:27:30] Like he's such a nerd too.

[00:27:32] He'll be like just staring at it, watching it.

[00:27:35] Like he's got three hours left, but he's just staring.

[00:27:37] I don't know what you're talking about.

[00:27:38] So I'm very glad you're having fun.

[00:27:41] That sounds like you.

[00:27:44] You're the one staring.

[00:27:45] No.

[00:27:46] Staring at that sexy nozzle, spitting out that hot PLA plastic.

[00:27:51] Like.

[00:27:53] And he made me some pots.

[00:27:56] Some pots.

[00:27:57] Oh yeah.

[00:27:57] The pots.

[00:27:58] Now I got to get her some plants because she's always whining about not having plants and other things to let die.

[00:28:04] So.

[00:28:05] It's getting cold.

[00:28:06] I don't know if the plants will do well.

[00:28:08] It's not cold in here.

[00:28:10] You're not cold in here.

[00:28:11] That's right.

[00:28:12] That's why I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt and you over there with like a cat and a sweater on.

[00:28:17] I'm cold.

[00:28:18] Yeah.

[00:28:19] Get a better cat.

[00:28:19] I'm excited for tonight.

[00:28:21] Do you have cats?

[00:28:22] No.

[00:28:22] You don't have cats?

[00:28:23] We're getting rid of them?

[00:28:24] No, we're not getting rid of them.

[00:28:25] You heard it here.

[00:28:26] They're out and there's no coming back from this.

[00:28:27] They're gone forever.

[00:28:28] These are our children, Jordan.

[00:28:31] Children leave the nest, Ripley.

[00:28:33] Not cats.

[00:28:33] That's the nature of children.

[00:28:35] I just, I keep, I'm like, if we have kids, like they're going to know our cats.

[00:28:40] That's so cute, isn't it?

[00:28:42] No, we'll have the kids replace the cats.

[00:28:45] No.

[00:28:46] Yeah.

[00:28:46] No.

[00:28:47] In like 15 years, we're good to go.

[00:28:52] I would not have children in 15 years.

[00:28:55] Okay.

[00:28:56] Hey, you got 15 years left.

[00:28:57] You hear that cat?

[00:28:58] Then you're out.

[00:28:58] No, I'm saying like.

[00:28:59] Can't have you.

[00:29:00] Like, are you saying in 15 years we get to have kids?

[00:29:03] Because I don't want to do it at all.

[00:29:04] Two living creatures that you can take care of at a time.

[00:29:07] That's not true.

[00:29:07] And you barely count as one.

[00:29:09] All right.

[00:29:09] So the other two, like the two things you got now account for like one kiddish.

[00:29:16] So you have a kid, but after they're both gone.

[00:29:19] No.

[00:29:20] Yeah.

[00:29:20] It's a trade system.

[00:29:21] No, that's not how that works.

[00:29:24] Yeah.

[00:29:24] It's like when you're playing Starfield and it's like, uh-uh, uh-uh, maximum crew reached.

[00:29:29] God, I need to go somewhere to clear my bounty in Starfield and it won't let me land anywhere.

[00:29:35] And then if I go to certain planetary systems, somebody just starts attacking me.

[00:29:39] Why don't you just go pay when they say, hey, you have a bounty?

[00:29:43] It won't let me.

[00:29:44] The ships around the planet just keep attacking me.

[00:29:47] Who?

[00:29:49] Like I was trying to go to Neon and then they're like, oh, contraband.

[00:29:54] Well, get rid of the contraband first or just surrender it.

[00:29:58] It didn't give me that option.

[00:30:00] They just started shooting me.

[00:30:02] I guarantee you either didn't listen to their hail or like they try calling you and they're

[00:30:07] like, hey, you have contraband and you just say, okay, here you go.

[00:30:09] They hailed me.

[00:30:10] But I was in the middle of going to another star system for the quest I was doing.

[00:30:15] So it bounced me.

[00:30:16] And then I came back and they didn't say anything.

[00:30:19] You ran away from the law with contraband and then you showed back up at their front

[00:30:23] door and you're wondering why they're shooting at you.

[00:30:25] Well, how do I sell it?

[00:30:26] Because I don't want to waste it.

[00:30:29] How was I supposed to know human organs were contraband?

[00:30:33] It says it.

[00:30:34] Like the very first time you pick up contraband, it says, you have picked up contraband.

[00:30:37] You need to sneak this into planets or you'll get arrested.

[00:30:40] I don't think it was my first time picking it up.

[00:30:42] Well, then you just forgot and that's on you.

[00:30:44] I just hadn't picked up that contraband.

[00:30:45] You're an even worse thief.

[00:30:48] Listen, it's so much easier in Skyrim.

[00:30:51] Yeah, you know, you don't have to travel through planets.

[00:30:53] Well, sneaking around is pretty like a lot harder in Starfield than in other games.

[00:30:58] Oh my gosh, the sneak mechanic is ridiculous.

[00:31:00] I have my sneak like up to level three out of four and they still see me when I open

[00:31:07] a door or like come near them.

[00:31:08] And I'm like, that's...

[00:31:09] They got bionic hearing.

[00:31:10] Yeah, they do.

[00:31:11] The future.

[00:31:12] If you move more than like at a very slow like crawl, it's like, oh, you're heard.

[00:31:16] I'm like, how did they hear me?

[00:31:18] They're literally talking to each other.

[00:31:20] Like I can barely hear myself walk over there talking.

[00:31:23] You know, whatever.

[00:31:27] But all right, Rippers, take a shout out of y'all.

[00:31:32] Well...

[00:31:32] Do it in a cool voice.

[00:31:35] Not British.

[00:31:36] Irish.

[00:31:40] Well, thank you for...

[00:31:41] That's Siri.

[00:31:42] Try Italian.

[00:31:43] I can't do Italian.

[00:31:44] All right, do Irish.

[00:31:45] I can't do Irish.

[00:31:46] Well, try it.

[00:31:46] I can't.

[00:31:47] Why not?

[00:31:48] It's...

[00:31:48] I don't know why it doesn't...

[00:31:50] It doesn't work.

[00:31:51] Go on.

[00:31:52] Go on, you just said.

[00:31:55] Go on.

[00:31:56] Go on.

[00:31:58] Mm-hmm.

[00:31:59] Continue.

[00:31:59] We still got to do the whole outro.

[00:32:00] That's all I've...

[00:32:01] I can't.

[00:32:02] Yeah, you got this.

[00:32:03] Okay.

[00:32:05] Well, I hope you like what you heard.

[00:32:06] This is Ripley.

[00:32:08] That's Jordan.

[00:32:10] We've never had so much disappointment all at once.

[00:32:13] This has been an episode of Mindless Brattle.

[00:32:17] She's piling up like a mountain.

[00:32:19] And she just kicked me in the nards.

[00:32:21] That's what happened there.

[00:32:23] At least it wasn't on purpose this time.

[00:32:26] How about Canadian?

[00:32:27] Can you use Canadian?

[00:32:29] What do Canadian sound like?

[00:32:31] I don't know.

[00:32:32] Sorry.

[00:32:34] Oh, you betcha.

[00:32:36] But that's like Minnesota.

[00:32:38] Where do you think Minnesota is?

[00:32:41] I think it's down near Florida?

[00:32:42] I don't know where Minnesota is.

[00:32:43] It's right next to Canada.

[00:32:45] There's a lot of states that I'm just like,

[00:32:46] oh yeah, that exists.

[00:32:48] Okay.

[00:32:49] What about South Korean?

[00:32:50] Can you use South Korean?

[00:32:51] No.

[00:32:52] Yeah, right.

[00:32:52] My bad.

[00:32:53] North Korean.

[00:32:55] Also, no.

[00:32:55] Also, I think it would be racist for me to try to mimic an accent.

[00:32:59] What?

[00:32:59] Okay.

[00:33:00] But the English isn't.

[00:33:01] I get it.

[00:33:02] Whatever.

[00:33:02] You can only do white people accents?

[00:33:04] Yes.

[00:33:05] Wow.

[00:33:05] That's cool.

[00:33:06] So like Mexican?

[00:33:09] Hispanic?

[00:33:11] What do you mean?

[00:33:14] Mexicans are Mexican.

[00:33:15] What do you mean?

[00:33:18] I wouldn't.

[00:33:20] You wouldn't what?

[00:33:20] I just, I don't like that.

[00:33:22] All right, fine.

[00:33:23] Australian.

[00:33:24] I can't really draw Australian.

[00:33:26] I can say,

[00:33:27] rise up lights.

[00:33:29] Now you gotta do the outro.

[00:33:31] I can't do the outro.

[00:33:32] I can only say specific phrases.

[00:33:34] Like what?

[00:33:36] Rise up lights.

[00:33:37] That was the same thing,

[00:33:39] but worse.

[00:33:40] I cut off.

[00:33:43] Okay.

[00:33:45] You know,

[00:33:46] you're so less demanding in The Sims.

[00:33:50] I bet.

[00:33:51] Cause in The Sims,

[00:33:52] you provide me with money.

[00:33:56] I wish you could do mother load in real life.

[00:34:00] Well.

[00:34:02] Japanese.

[00:34:03] Goodbye, Prattlers.

[00:34:04] This has been an episode.

[00:34:07] Indonesian.

[00:34:12] Indian.

[00:34:13] No.

[00:34:14] Syrian.

[00:34:15] I don't even know what a Syrian accent sounds like.

[00:34:18] Afghan?

[00:34:19] No,

[00:34:19] I'm not going to do any

[00:34:21] of the people of color accents.

[00:34:24] South Africa.

[00:34:27] Aren't South Africans just British?

[00:34:30] Like,

[00:34:30] I'm trying to give you a way out.

[00:34:31] All right,

[00:34:31] Rwandan.

[00:34:32] Okay.

[00:34:34] Go with one you're familiar with,

[00:34:35] Jordan.

[00:34:38] You mean sarcasm?

[00:34:40] It's a country,

[00:34:41] but okay.

[00:34:41] You're a country.

[00:34:42] I know.

[00:34:43] I just said that.

[00:34:45] Okay.

[00:34:46] Goodbye.

[00:34:46] We got to go.

[00:34:47] Egyptian.

[00:34:50] I don't know what Egyptians are.

[00:34:52] Just cause you can like,

[00:34:53] like move your head,

[00:34:54] like a pyramid.

[00:34:55] Like,

[00:34:57] she did like the dance,

[00:34:58] like the walk,

[00:34:59] like an Egyptian dance.

[00:34:59] She's like,

[00:35:02] I just love it when women go clean.

[00:35:05] Pastra.

[00:35:06] All right.

[00:35:07] Italian.

[00:35:10] No,

[00:35:10] you got to do the hand thing.

[00:35:12] That's good.

[00:35:14] Oh my God.

[00:35:15] I need to show you this video.

[00:35:18] Please let me in the podcast so I can show you.

[00:35:22] I'm just waiting for you to like,

[00:35:24] figure out which accent to do the outro.

[00:35:26] Cause you still didn't do one.

[00:35:29] This has been an episode of mindless prattle.

[00:35:31] I said not British.

[00:35:33] This is what you get.

[00:35:34] And you will like it.

[00:35:36] Or else.

[00:35:37] I thought she was going to rhyme.

[00:35:39] That would have been worse.

[00:35:41] What?

[00:35:42] That would have been worse,

[00:35:43] wouldn't it?

[00:35:43] Oh.

[00:35:44] You know,

[00:35:44] I think it's funny.

[00:35:45] Cuss words back then were like,

[00:35:46] oh,

[00:35:46] you're dash.

[00:35:48] Oh my God.

[00:35:50] Give it your all buddy.

[00:35:52] What the hell is crosswords have to do with anything?

[00:35:55] What are you talking about?

[00:35:56] You said crosswords.

[00:35:58] Cuss words.

[00:35:58] You said crosswords.

[00:35:59] I was like,

[00:36:00] why are we doing puzzles?

[00:36:00] Yeah,

[00:36:01] like way back in the day,

[00:36:03] cuss words were things like balderdash.

[00:36:06] And you're just like,

[00:36:07] that is like the worst cuss word I've ever heard.

[00:36:10] Oh man,

[00:36:10] I was listening to an audio book

[00:36:12] and it was in,

[00:36:13] it was in a British accent

[00:36:15] cause it was set in like medieval England.

[00:36:18] And the curse words in there were my favorite part.

[00:36:20] Yeah.

[00:36:20] What was some of them?

[00:36:21] I don't remember off the top of my head.

[00:36:23] Okay.

[00:36:23] Well,

[00:36:23] you'll have to get a list for next episode.

[00:36:25] Balderdash.

[00:36:26] Uh,

[00:36:27] I,

[00:36:27] you still gotta do the outro.

[00:36:29] All right.

[00:36:30] Goodbye,

[00:36:31] Marlin's Prattlers.

[00:36:32] We hope you have enjoyed our show.

[00:36:34] Give us a follow,

[00:36:35] a like,

[00:36:36] or a listen on our next episode.

[00:36:39] That's Jordan.

[00:36:40] I'm Ripley.

[00:36:41] You've been listening to our episode.

[00:36:44] Why are you looking at me like that?

[00:36:46] I'm giving it my best shot.

[00:36:52] Our next season.

[00:36:53] I wish we had cameras.

[00:36:54] Our next season is going to focus on diversity.

[00:36:56] We'll get some new accents in here.

[00:36:58] I'll learn Irish for you.

[00:37:00] Irish.

[00:37:00] Whoa.

[00:37:01] Branching way out,

[00:37:02] huh?

[00:37:02] Scottish.

[00:37:03] Now you can do Scottish.

[00:37:05] All of a sudden we got another one.

[00:37:08] You know what?

[00:37:09] I'll be,

[00:37:11] I'll be shooting for me.

[00:37:12] I can't see.

[00:37:13] I can't do it.

[00:37:15] I like that your idea of Scottish

[00:37:17] was just quoting the Pixar movie Brave.

[00:37:23] And I'll be shooting for my own Honda.

[00:37:26] You're like,

[00:37:27] all right,

[00:37:27] what are you doing?

[00:37:29] Oh man.

[00:37:32] Swedish.

[00:37:33] I don't even know what Swedish people sound like.

[00:37:37] Nordic?

[00:37:38] Nga dinga durgin.

[00:37:39] Wow.

[00:37:40] That one's probably racist.

[00:37:42] It's not racist if they're white.

[00:37:45] And yet you can't do like a Nordic one

[00:37:47] or an Irish one.

[00:37:50] Yo,

[00:37:51] you know what?

[00:37:51] Wait,

[00:37:52] I know you.

[00:37:53] Gaelic.

[00:37:55] Gaelic?

[00:37:57] What?

[00:37:57] Gaelic?

[00:37:59] What do you mean Gaelic?

[00:38:00] Isn't it Gaelic?

[00:38:01] It's Gaelic.

[00:38:02] What?

[00:38:02] You're Gaelic.

[00:38:03] Oh my gosh.

[00:38:04] Now you're just insulting a whole people.

[00:38:07] What?

[00:38:09] Well,

[00:38:10] there's been another racist episode of Mindless Crattle.

[00:38:13] You're the worst.

[00:38:16] I'm your host,

[00:38:17] Jordan.

[00:38:17] That's the racist one,

[00:38:18] Ripley.

[00:38:19] Don't say things like that on the internet.

[00:38:21] Oh,

[00:38:22] that's the definitely not racist at all.

[00:38:25] Would never be racist on the internet.

[00:38:28] Intentionally.

[00:38:28] Ripley.

[00:38:30] Never intentionally.

[00:38:31] Never intentionally.

[00:38:33] While others are listening,

[00:38:35] not racist in its entirety.

[00:38:37] Oh my God.

[00:38:38] Shut out.

[00:38:39] Shut out.

[00:38:40] Bitch just clawed the fuck out of me,

[00:38:43] and I literally just trimmed her nails.

[00:38:45] You're over there like trying to like pet her to death

[00:38:47] while trying not to laugh.

[00:38:50] She's like eating her paw.

[00:38:54] Racist.

[00:38:54] Oh my God.

[00:38:55] Goodbye,

[00:38:56] Jordan.

[00:38:56] Bye.

[00:38:56] Thank you.