Mindless Demon Makeup Workouts

[00:00:12] She didn't get ready, Chet. It just didn't happen. You normally come looking for me when you're done showering so we can record. You didn't do that this time, so you changed it. Did I tell you to go sit outside? No, I got cold. No, I said we'll record when we're done. I got cold, so I went outside. So you did nothing productive while I was showering. I feel like I've done a lot of productive things this morning.

[00:00:42] I'd like you to name two productive things, and one of them can't be getting ready. So I helped you go through the stuff for the house. You're helping me shake this table right now. You're making me nervous. Nervous about nothing, girl. All I'm saying is on our day of productivity, so far it's not an hour, it's a my. Okay, today is not my day of productivity.

[00:01:12] I'm productive every day. Oh, yeah. I'm not productive at all any other day. No, you are. You just usually save your cleaning stuff for the weekends because you work during the week, and I do stuff a little bit every day. That's why you couldn't have opened the software today while I was in the shower. I don't. You're the one who starts the software, so I wait for you.

[00:01:40] Yeah, I didn't want you to help out ever. Just sit over in your off-center chair. Set the fuck up above my chair. Lick your cat hair mic. Just lick it. All right. Get that feline taste for you. And then avoid the microphone when typing. That's what you do, okay? I'm going to assign roles. And folks, that's not to say that she doesn't help out, all right? I mean, who else would turn on that light switch if you were not here?

[00:02:12] Someone's got to be the beauty. When you find them, you let me know. Because it ain't me. But we were just here, and you were like, my hair is bouncy, bubbly, swoopy. Shut up! Every woman would understand exactly what I mean. For those of you who don't understand, she yelled at me viciously. I didn't yell at you.

[00:02:36] I was viciously this morning, because on last week's episode, apparently, I get this, apparently, her hair was bubbly instead of swoopy. And I failed to go, hey, you got bubbly. Now, for some context, right? Behind, like, you can't see it, but behind me and directly in front of her. Actually, it's behind my camera.

[00:03:03] Directly in front of her is what is being recorded of her, shown to her. So at any point, she could go, oh, my hair's fucked up. And be done. But no, it's my fault. It's mine. Yeah. Yeah. Now, if you could provide me with the dictionary definition of bubble versus swoop, maybe we could get to the bottom of this. I can't do that.

[00:03:33] It's not like a dictionary definition type of thing. Why'd you get southern? What just happened? It's a south dictionary. Sometimes, like, my mouth gets lazy in the middle of a word or a sentence. Like, it defaults back to the accent I grew up with. But it'll only be, like, for a second. And then I fix it. And I'm like, oh. I fix it. Do you think it's southern thoughts? I don't know. How would I know? How would I know? I'm not in there. It just sounds like my thoughts to me. Yeah.

[00:04:03] But is it southern? I don't know. You just said it's your default. Do you think in regular or southern? Regular or southern? The only two options. Got midwestern. Northeastern. Southern. I don't know. But it's also because my accent is just such a weird blend of dialects. Like, where I grew up in South Carolina has a different dialect than the whole rest of

[00:04:32] the state versus, like, you know, Texas. They have a completely different type of southern accent. So. And then living in Vegas for so long, which they kind of don't have an accent. Accent? If that makes sense. It's so every word I say is just kind of odd. Well, this be 183. 183 reasons why the southern accent only comes out in the intro and outro. And when I'm angry.

[00:05:01] But not in the thoughts, apparently. I think it probably is. I just, I don't hear an accent when I talk most of the time. Sometimes. If you think the word oil pen pam, what does it sound like? Oil pen pam. Yeah, see? It's southern inside. That's all we know. I'm telling you. Oil is, like, a hard word to say. If I say it really fast, I can do it. Mm-hmm. Oil. I think you were just trying to convince yourself that's how it's said. Oil.

[00:05:34] It's like a, did you ever watch Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? No. Oh, it was like a Lindsay Lohan movie on Disney. But in it, she's, like, in a musical for her school. And there's, like, a part where they're like, oh, you're saying this word wrong. So she goes, New York. New York. And every time I say something wrong, I think that in my head. That's amazing. It's a good movie. Like, it's got really good music in it.

[00:06:02] I feel like I've seen it, but I just can't remember. You probably, you know, where she sings a song where she's like, that girl was a one-time teenage drama queen. No. You don't know it? I don't think that jogged anyone's memory but yours. But you'll look back and you won't believe. I'm going to have to mute you. That girl was me. Oh. It's a good movie. I bet. Yep.

[00:06:32] And her outfits were so T. What other letters are good to have for outfits? I don't know. It's not a letter. It's T-E-A. T is a letter. No, but it's like the word T, not the letter T. You know, I'll introduce like slang to Jordon and he'll be like, nobody says that. And I'm like, everybody says that on the internet. You've definitely seen it on YouTube. I know you have. Do you think I watch videos where they're just like, oh my gosh, and this outfit's so T.

[00:07:01] You think that's what I'm watching? People usually say, oh, like her body is T. Okay. Okay. So we couldn't use Q. No. V. Because it's T-E-A. Q is also a word, just so we're aware. It's like an awful word. Why isn't it Q-U? That is a word. It's a different word though. Is it? Hmm? What is it? Q-I is a word too. I don't know. I don't know what they mean. Oh, like Q?

[00:07:31] I just know that they're acceptable in Scrabble. So I believe that. It's not an English word though. It's in Scrabble. It's a Spanish word. In Scrabble. Hey, you know what else is in English? Your microphone. Put it right there. Although Q is obviously like Chinese life force. Okay. So I had two notes for this episode. One of them just said March 30th, 1979, Camping 19. And I tried to Google that because I was like, oh, maybe it passed me.

[00:07:59] Thought that would be a good enough date to remember something. What? Yeah. Say it again. March 30th, 1979, Camping 19. Okay. I think it was something to do with a nuclear power plant, but I can't remember. My guess would be like a 19-year-old was camping that year and something happened to them. I'm going to be honest. Because that's the kind of stuff that I think that you would be like, did you hear about the missing woman from the 70s? She was 19 and camping in the woods.

[00:08:29] When you were gone for work a few weeks ago, I was watching like cave diving videos to fall asleep. I'm like, ah, this panicking atmosphere makes me so sleepy. But my other one was about the Tarte Glambulance. What? Yeah. Very similar things. This. What? What is this? What is what?

[00:08:58] The words you just used. Okay. So for those of you who do not use makeup, Tarte is a beauty brand. They make like vegan cosmetics and stuff like that. It's supposed to be better for your skin, better for the environment, all that sort of stuff. But they're like a nicer brand. Like you're probably not going to get anything for less than 20 or 30 bucks a Tarte. Like it's a little bit pricier. Okay.

[00:09:24] So they always like to do these really gimmicky like advertising things. Like every year they send a bunch of influencers on a brand trip and like pay for them to go to the beach and give them a bunch of free products and stuff. So this year they've decided to launch a new project called the Snatch Stick. It's a contour and brush tool, which basically just contours your face. So if you don't know what a contour is, basically it just changes the shape of your face.

[00:09:52] But to market this, Tarte sent a Glambulance around. So they took an ambulance, dressed it up like a cosmetic company. And essentially they're trying to market this stick as a facelift effect, no needles required. So they like stopped at a bunch of people's houses, like showed them how to use a stick, made like a huge like video thing of it about like, oh look, this is your, you got an upper bleph done.

[00:10:18] You got like Botox done, you know, which I thought was kind of in poor taste, but I understood what they were trying to do. However, the second half of this project is what pissed people the fuck off. Pardon my French. Because they started for the bigger influencers, they sent them a PR box with like a bunch of makeup in it. However, when they opened this PR box, they had pictures of these influencers and they had

[00:10:48] like marked it up as if they were going to give them plastic surgery on their faces to show them where to put this contour. So like one woman, I watched her TikTok and I don't have her name. I should have took it down. But she was talking about how like it literally made her stomach drop to open the box and see her face like that. Like she was like, it was very shocking. Yeah. Be like, here's everything that's wrong with you. Yeah. Fix it with makeup. And you're like, well, thanks. And it's like, they could have made it this whole fun celebration thing about like, yeah, you don't need to get this done.

[00:11:18] If you want to change your face, you can do it with us, you know, but to send people these boxes to be like, fix your face. I cannot imagine the insecurity that that must create and every single person who received that. And like, I know some people use makeup because they're insecure and they want to look better. But like, I also think makeup can just be really fun and like artistic. Like during COVID, I learned how to do my eyeshadow because I always used to just be like an eyeliner

[00:11:47] and lipstick person. But during COVID, you know, we had to wear masks. So I learned how to do my eyeshadow and it was just a really fun way to, you know, like express myself. And now when I want to do my makeup, if I'm doing like serious makeup where it's like a full look, I'll ask Jordan. I'm like, hey, what color should I do today? And he'll pick a color for me. And that's what I do my eyeshadow based on. What are you smiling about over there? Just reading something. It's not related to what we're talking about.

[00:12:13] But yeah, I just, some people were like, oh, it's just makeup or whatever. But just. Yeah, but still like to send something to be like, here's what's fucked up about your face. Why don't you fix it? Oh, so one of the creators named Maria Helen Rue said that I was trying really hard to be confident this day. And then the PR box included a prescription of procedures for her.

[00:12:43] Upper bleph, rhinoplasty, jaw lift and Botox. And she said, obviously, I need all these surgeries. But guess what? Oh, yay. I don't need the surgeries. I just needed this brand's product. I think this was a lady whose video I watched actually. No, I do. But yeah, like for me, that would have ruined my whole fucking day. I would have been sobbing. Like these people are so much stronger than I am because I would have been like, wow, I'm the ugliest person on the planet and I should just go die in a hole. But I'm really sensitive. So.

[00:13:15] I'll take two boxes. I don't use contour because I feel like it would make me look like my face look too skinny because my cheekbones are already kind of high. So sometimes I do my makeup and I'm like, oh, no, you got to move. You got to move where you put that. You look like a skeleton. But it's just the way my cheeks are. But I like makeup and I really I've loved Tarte's makeup for years. Like they were my main makeup brand in high school. But I just haven't used them as because they're just expensive.

[00:13:44] Like they've raised the prices on everything and the same way with a lot of makeup. So now when I go to the stores, I mostly like there's this company called Essence. And like the most expensive product they have is like 10 bucks. And then I also use NYX and ELF are like two really good cheap brands. And like it's all about the same stuff. There's very few things that I'm like, yeah, like I need to pay 40 bucks for that because it's better. Like, no, it works just as good as the like $5 thing. So.

[00:14:12] But yeah, that is the Tarte controversy. And so succinctly put as well. Well, good news. Everything is going to be easy. Yeah. Just stay with her. Sorry. You were also like looking at your phone though. So I felt like I should keep talking. I was waiting for a breath. There was none. I'm sorry. No breaths in there. Well, what did you want to share with the class today?

[00:14:44] I have had a note on my phone for probably the last like five weeks. Yeah. And I just, I kept forgetting to ask it when it didn't come up. But. I thought my phone was vibrating. Taking a nap. What's going on? Stay calm. Like. But. So we. There was a period of about a week and some change where you were just having a grand old time with technology.

[00:15:15] Oh. See, she remembers. And. Like it was very basic things. Like I don't know how to put batteries in a remote. I don't know. I just put them in the wrong way. I didn't know that your car remote controls showed you which way the batteries go. I couldn't see it. All right, grandma. Most appliances and things that take batteries will tell you. Well, I know that about everything else. No, it's like everything.

[00:15:43] Like maybe not when you were born. Shut the fuck up. Anyway, this leads to my question of what your ideal grandmother name is. Have you thought about it? Like what grandkids are going to call you? Because during this period of time, I was going with Gam Gam, which was not approved. I don't like Gam Gam. By the PR department. So I asked Gam Gam to come up with a name.

[00:16:13] She has not thought about it at all. It, you know, left her mind. No, I mean, like I didn't think about it. But if it was like I had real grandchildren, Nana. That's what my mom uses. I think that's what I'd use. You're just going to steal? You're going to plagiarize? Yeah. Ooh. They're going to get confused. My grandmother went by nanny, but I don't like that. Well, yeah, that's a job. Or grandma. Grandma's fine.

[00:16:43] Nah, Gam Gam. But they'd have to, like, in my family, we had so many, like, our family was so big when I was a kid before everybody died. That we had to specify like which grandparent you were talking about. So like, if that were my family, we'd have to be like, oh, grandma Ripley. Yeah. I mean, we used people's names as well. Like I had different grandmothers and grandfathers. My great grandmother's name was Cinderella.

[00:17:13] And that's my favorite. Her nickname? No, her legal name. Did she also, like, cut up her feet? No. Okay. Just wondering. I don't know why they named her that. Nana's on the board. We'll keep workshopping it, but we'll come back to it. It's fine. Grandmum? Stop trying to make it sound like some regal thing. Grandmare? Look, your kids had sex and then have other kids.

[00:17:43] All right? It's not like this grand thing. We don't need to think about our future children having sex already. I'm just saying that's what they are. Although I do think we could traumatize them into not having sex for a while. Well, like my biology teacher in high school, she said that the night before prom, her mom took her to a library and just made her look at a book of STDs and, like, what they looked like and then was like, okay, have fun at prom. No. Okay.

[00:18:13] Although I bet, like, with our luck, our kids would be like, do you want to tell me about your teenagehood? Have you ever worked out while you were high? Yes. Is it better than regular workouts? Yes. For me, it was. Okay. Why? I'm asking. Well, so I was at a hotel for work last week and I went down. First of all, I had a wonderful time at this hotel gym. Just amazing.

[00:18:44] So I got, there's two treadmills and I was like, I will run now. And I got on one of the treadmills and it was set to like Mount Everest incline. Like someone was trying to climb a mountain. So I reset it to go all the way down to the bottom. And then I started, you know, doing the running thing. But then every like fourth, fifth step, it would just pause. Like the belt would pause. So I would like lurch forward and then it'd keep going. And I'm like, what is happening? Right.

[00:19:13] And I could kind of deal with it. But then it started becoming like more often. And I was like, I'm about to run into this treadmill and just fly over the front, you know, like cartoon wise. And then the air conditioner that was apparently above me started dripping water. And I was like, look, I'm fine with being wet at the gym because I'm there, you know, but like I'd like it to be my wetness, not the gym's wetness. You're just getting leaked on by the gym. Yeah.

[00:19:42] So I was like, all right. Well, I almost ran into the thing this final time and I'm wet. So I turn it off. I go to the other one. Start running. No issues. Run is fine. About 10 minutes in, all the lights turn off in the gym. Um, apparently the treadmill that I was on is not in view of the motion sensor for the lights. So now I'm just running in the dark. Okay. And all I see is like the little timer on the screen. I was like, well, that's really dark.

[00:20:09] I can't see what the buttons are, but at least I know I'm going. And so I was running. I finally finished. And then, uh, I, you know, wipe down the machines, clean up, whatever. Lights turn back on. Um, and as I'm leaving, it's like, I'm walking out the door and this couple walks in. And for some reason I was standing, like I opened the door.

[00:20:35] So I was against like the right wall leaving the gym and they were both walking towards me. And so I was holding the door for them. But then at some point, both of them were like, oh no, come on out. We'll, we'll go in after you. And I was like, all right, sure. So I let go of the door, start walking towards them to get through this hallway. Right. But I'm already against that right wall because that's where the door was that I was holding open. Cause they didn't trust my door holding skills.

[00:21:02] And so I keep walking and then for some reason, the woman darts to my right, like against the wall. So now I got to go through the middle of these two. And I'm like, this is weird. That's some shit I would do. Right. I'm like, I'm already on the right. Like we didn't have to move at all, but she like kind of made, I kind of was like, oh, and then jumped to my right, her left. And I was like, okay. Okay. But obviously he didn't move because he's already on the left for me, his right. So now I'm walking down the middle of the hallway. They're walking down the sides.

[00:21:32] The door is closed behind me. Now they got to get a key card out because they got to scan back in. Hence the whole reason I was holding the door. And then all this, as I'm walking by, I just get engulfed by this fucking smell of weed walking by me on both sides. And I was like, oh my God, no wonder your decision making skills are down right now. Never walked into the gym smelling like weed, but I definitely like popped a gummy before I've gone and like ran a mile or two.

[00:21:58] No, they, they walked in there like heavily understood that they were like, we're going to see some colors when the treadmill goes by. I don't know. But yeah, no, it was actually, I always liked it because it just like, it seemed to prevent me from like cramping up. Like my, I didn't get stitches in my side. Like I do when I run, like I didn't get cramps in my legs. Like, yeah, I just thought that was interesting. And it, it posed the question of like, was it better to.

[00:22:27] I think it probably just depends on you. And like, like I would say probably if you're not already a person who likes to like use weed, like don't start doing it to go to the gym, you know? Because what if you're like a paranoid weirdo when you're high and you're at the gym surrounded by people? Oh my God. I would have like a meltdown. That would be so scary. Yeah. So my note for that in my phone just said weed workouts? Question mark. Weed workouts. Mindless weed workouts. What are you doing, girl? You don't. Okay. Just.

[00:22:57] She's been so weird lately. Our second cat, Sweet Roll, if you guys remember. She's been very meowy and cuddly. I don't know if it's because we're packing stuff up or what, but she seems a little nervous. Yeah. Yeah. Same, same hotel, but just earlier in the evening, by the way. I, I, um, whoop. Push her that way. There she goes. Just type some stuff. Good. Good. Perfect.

[00:23:28] Anyway. But, uh, I was about to check in and I don't know if the guy was like trying to scam the hotel or like what was going on, but I walk up to the counter. There's a guy in front of me, which whatever people are people. But then I noticed like the worker on the other side, she's kind of tensed up and he's not having a good time.

[00:23:56] And he's like pointing fingers and like using anger words. And I don't think, I don't know if he's just never been to a hotel before or what was going on with it. Because as I walked up, he basically said like, no, you need to explain it to me again. And she's like, okay, so the room, if you want one for tonight is 200.

[00:24:23] He goes, but we have to charge the 150 as an incidental. And, uh, and he's like, okay, well I only have, uh, he's like, I only have the, the debit card and it's, it's only got like 250 on it. She's like, okay, well there's, that's not enough for the night. And he's like, no, but the 150 in, in the 200 for the night, just use that.

[00:24:50] And she's like, no, it's a separate, like 200 for the night plus the 150. And he's just not grasping. Yeah. They just give it back to you if you don't. Right. And he's like, well, if it's 200 for the night, why do you have to charge me 350? And she's like, no, it's 150 in case you damage the room. Then we give it back. And he's like, but I don't, I'm not going to damage the room. She's like, I understand that. It's just a hold. And then we give it back. And like, they're going back and forth on this. And she's like, sir, I, I don't know what to tell you. He's like, okay, well I'm going to get wired some money and then I'll, I'll be back.

[00:25:19] And she's like, okay. She's like, just so you know, we only have two open rooms tonight. Otherwise we're completely booked up. You'd have to go next door. Right. Like just giving him that heads up. Like, Hey, it might happen. Like when you come back and he goes, no, I'm already here. So then it sparks a different argument. She's like, I understand that, but without you paying, like, I can't reserve the room for you. So like someone online or someone else that comes in can reserve a room since we have the two. He's like, no, I'm already here though. I need the room.

[00:25:46] She's like, yes, but you don't have the money and I'm standing there after a long day of work, by the way, just going, can I, can I check in now? And so like a couple minutes of this back and forth and he goes, okay, well, I'll get the money. You, you keep the room open. She's like, I can't keep the room open. And he's like, well, we'll see. And then he walks out. No, he won't. He walks out. And then I was like, this is kind of a strange predicament. And then I realized he's not by himself.

[00:26:15] His wife and two children or some woman and two children, I don't know, are off to the side and they're just kind of sitting there in the lobby, I guess waiting for something to happen. So I go up, I check in, whatever. I go upstairs, change, go down to the gym. This whole gym incident happens, right? I go back upstairs, shower, change, go back downstairs to go get dinner.

[00:26:40] As I'm leaving him and his kids in when I are still in the parking lot, this is like an hour and some change later. Damn. His kids are still in the lobby. He's out in the parking lot. He's on the phone with somebody. And all I hear him as I'm walking by is him like yelling at somebody, but like, well, then how are we supposed to sleep tonight? I don't understand blah, blah, this and that. And I was like, I don't know what's happening here, but there's definitely like way cheaper options in that same area.

[00:27:05] Like next door is a motel that is way cheaper, you know? And I'm like, just go there if you need a place to sleep and you have obviously enough money for that place, just not this place. We stayed at motels all the time when I was a kid. Yeah. And so I was like, this is crazy. I go, drive 15 minutes away, get food. I'm there for probably 10 minutes, drive 15 minutes back. Now I'm walking through the front door.

[00:27:32] There's a sign on the front door that says no vacancy because they had filled up those last two rooms. Yeah. I mean, several hours went by. I'm walking through the lobby and he's back at the front desk and she's like, no, you'd have to go next door to get a room. And he's going, no, I'm right here right now. I need the room because I have money now. And she's like, we don't have the rooms available now. And he's like, no, I haven't left. So the room should still be here. And I'm like, I feel bad for these kids.

[00:28:00] Honestly, I'm like, this guy just doesn't understand basic hotel interactions or reservations or anything. Or words, apparently. Or words. She's like, I understand there's no rooms left here. And she said, I can call next door and get you a room there. And he's like, no, I'm already here. So you give me the room here. And she's like, no, we don't have any rooms anymore. And I was like. I've definitely been in situations like that at work where at a certain point, I just say, listen, your options are this or this. Pick one or leave.

[00:28:29] Yeah. But at a hotel, I think you can't be that rude. He's not a customer of the hotel. That's true. He's just there, honestly. And his kids are just hanging out in the lobby, drinking the water from that little fountain thing that's out there. But I was like, still, this is crazy. It's crazy that it's gone on for several hours. And he is just still here. Just go next door. Yeah. I'm like, she gave him the rates of the place next door before he left the first time saying,

[00:28:55] if you don't have the full 350 that they'd need, you can go next door. I think next door was like two something for the incidental plus the night. Gave him options, tried to help, tried to work it out. I told him that, hey, there's only a couple rooms left. Doesn't sound like a scam, just sounds like a moron. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know what's going on with this. Because when people are scamming you, they get really angry and start yelling at you.

[00:29:23] He was on the verge of it when I first got there. But I think it was more, he just didn't understand the two charges instead of one. Yeah. Like I, one scam that people try to pull is they'll like give you like a bill and then claim they gave you a bigger one and then try to swap it out. You know, I had people do that. And I'm like, luckily I had a coworker next to me or else I might've been like, oh shit, did you? Like, you know. Yeah. Real quick before we go, because we're running out of time. I, I'm, I'm summing up for a service called Keymailer and I don't know if you are as well.

[00:29:53] Yeah, I am. I haven't used it in a while, but. For any, they send out keys to video games every once in a while that are still in development. You play them, you give feedback and then maybe you get something for playing the game, whatever it is, but just for funds. Yeah. So the last few games I've gotten on there have been decent games, okay games. This one, I'm not sure that I would download and let me give you the title. Hold on. I got to drink some water. It's a long title. Yeah.

[00:30:22] So I got this email from Keymailer and it says, you've been approved to join the play test. Here's the name of the game. Brazilian drug dealer before four demons from the portal to hell I opened are still in the favela and now I have to save Mamadas from Ronaldo. What? In the fucking anime title? That's the name of the game. Wait, repeat that? Or can I read it? Like, I don't.

[00:30:50] Brazilian drug dealer before four demons from the portal to hell I opened are still in the favela and now I have to save Mamadas from Ronaldo. Yeah. Damn. Okay, so the. Look at the art style for that game too, by the way. No, right? It's. It's like a 2003 video game. But. Like who? Oh, man. And it's. Yep. Mm hmm. No, the.

[00:31:17] By joining this play test, you'll get a full copy of the game. I'm okay. I'm good. My favorite play test I've ever been given is I got Calico as a play test from there. And it still does really well. I love that game. It's so cute. I got one called Hangry that was actually a really fun game to play. It has some bugs in the. Yeah. The key mailers stuff, but it was good. But take us out of here, Jordan. That's going to do it for us and Brazilian drug testers. Extraordinaire. Dealers.

[00:31:47] Testers, dealers, whatever it is. Same thing. There's a portal to hell in the favela. I got a save from Ronaldo. Thanks, Ronaldo. And. All right, guys, that's going to do it for this episode of Mindless Prattle. We have new episodes every Monday out wherever you listen to your podcast and every Tuesday on YouTube. Like us, follow us, give us a shout out, whatever you want to do. We're here for you anytime and we'll see you next week.

[00:32:17] Goodbye. Bye. Bye.