Mindless Broomstick Self Defense

[00:00:10] All right, take us in. What are we doing? We're having a conversation, you see? This has been my favorite intro so far, I'm going to be honest. You see, this is all about a conversation where we speak about things and stuff and who's up and what's where and I give up. Hi, welcome back to Mindless Prattle. I'm Ripley, that's Jordon.

[00:00:40] We're your illustrious hosts and we're going to talk to you about stuff and things to help you keep from melting this hot July season. That's Jordan, I'm Ripley. Did I already say that? No, who are you? I couldn't remember, I was like... She can't remember who she is, folks. This is going to be a problem. Got the memories of a flea. Dude, so... Yeah? Yeah. That's my train of thought.

[00:01:10] You're welcome. Choo-choo. I saw the other day that one of the largest steam engines in the world that still exists, runs, lives. I think runs might be a good word. Anyway, leftover from, I think, World War II, I want to say, is making its way across the U.S. for the 250th.

[00:01:38] It was, I think it was built in like the 1870s, I want to say. But it's on its way, and it's like driving, you know, slow through each town so that people can get, you know, pictures and this and that. Big boy number 4014. Yeah. Big boy 4014.

[00:02:00] So they, they, the engineers that are running it, they basically rebuilt it from a bunch of parts from similar steam engines that no longer worked. So it was pretty cool. Because like they built it up and then they get to operate it across the country for like, you know, the 250 and everything. I think it's pretty cool. It does sound pretty cool, but I'm like, I want to know when it was built. Originally built in 1941 by the American Locomotive Company. See?

[00:02:32] It's pretty cool. Tall enough. Also, if things look different, we got new cameras. That was kind of the end of it. They're not like the best quality cameras because we don't make any money from the podcast. Yeah, this is all for fun. So like we got spare money, spare money. We got like spare money that we were like, you know what? Let's change out these cameras because our phone quality wasn't the highest.

[00:03:02] So here we are. We have two different phones. And even though they're the same generation, apparently that means they have completely different phone qualities. Who knew? So webcams it is. But hey, it works out. And we did not just spend the better part of an hour trying to get these to work. So, you know, we're actually behind.

[00:03:27] We have to pre-record a lot of episodes because I've got a work trip coming up. So it's just going to be fun. We're going to roll through these. We are actually recording this one on the 4th of July. So happy birthday, people who took other people's land. Happy birthday, Hamish Abernathy. Mine was cooler. All right.

[00:03:53] Because I just, you know, when the Sunrise and the Reaping book came out, it's the first line of the book is literally like happy birthday, Hamish. And everybody was like, really, not only did you make the Reaping Day the 4th of July, but you made Hamish's birthday the fucking Reaping Day as well. So now every 4th of July, I'm like, Hamish's Reaping Day. That's good.

[00:04:26] I'm really enjoying this beverage. It's kind of nice to make like mocktails. So the drink I made Jordan and I today, it's basically make your own pink drink at home. So it's Sprite with sweetened condensed milk. What was that laugh? What? Okay. The.

[00:04:55] Damn. So it's Sprite sweetened condensed milk. Ice. And then in Jordan's, I added some strawberry syrup. And in mine, I added coconut and strawberry. I got an inferior drink. I didn't think you like coconut that much. What? Just because I'm not outside what shucking coconuts? You think I'm just averse to them? No, I never say you were averse to them. That's what you said.

[00:05:25] You said you didn't think I liked them. Okay. So I wanted to talk about this thing. That's a cat. You gestured to a cat when you said this thing. Okay. I meant, I had this thought the other day, because I've been playing that game Witchspire. But then I've also been reading a lot of fan fiction, which we talked about on the last episode.

[00:05:53] But in one of these fictions, somebody had made a really nice artwork of this scene where these two people were flying on brooms. Okay. And it made me think how uncomfortable flying on a broom would be. Because it's just like a stick. And you'd just be crotching up on a stick. Are you just having this? I've never thought about it before.

[00:06:18] But I was like watching my character fly around on literally a stick of wood. And I was like, my bicycle used to hurt my crotch every year. Like it just... Every year? What does that mean? You only rode once a year? I don't know. I don't know why I said it like that. I used to ride my bike a lot. But I would always get sore from like half the time I'd end up riding it standing up. Because it made me uncomfortable.

[00:06:44] And I imagine it would be the same thing on a fucking stick of wood flying through the sky. And you can't really hold your weight up. Like it's a stick. What are you going to do? You're in the middle of the sky. Are you just having the best ab workout of your entire life? Like are people holding themselves up over the stick the whole time? They're flying on the brooms? What do you mean holding themselves up? Because like you can't just sit all your weight down on it. Why?

[00:07:13] But like in Harry Potter I'm pretty sure at some point they show like their seats. They have like seats on theirs for Quidditch. Some of them in the Harry Potter universe have like little hooks on the back for your feet to rest in. So that when you're like laying down you can put feet in there. Because they've never addressed this. But I don't think saddles. But there's also I think a few people who ride like side saddle.

[00:07:42] Because like that makes sense. And I guess you could just be like oh yeah magic is how they stay on the broom. Because like yeah. Like some of it suspension of belief. You know like some things you just kind of got to go. It's a fake world with magic in it. But some things I'm like. Yeah I'd imagine like if you're holding the broom. Like while you're going through the air. The broom is just like ah yes. It's just like an object. Not like you trying to hold on because the broom is pulling you. Yeah you know. It just. I don't know. Unless you're like falling off the broom.

[00:08:12] Or someone's bewitched it or something. I don't know. But. I was having a lot of fun though. Thinking about this and like the physics of what flying a broom would be like. I have really been enjoying Witchspire though. Because I started a new game. And I'm making my way through the first beginning a little bit again. Making my way through town. No. Walking fast. Fast, fast, fast.

[00:08:41] We're here. But I'm trying to build a cuter little cabin than before. Because it was just okay. And that's fine. Nobody else has to see it. But it makes me feel better for things to be cuter. I saw blurs of it. I say blurs because your mouse sensitivity is at like 18,000. Okay. It works for me. It doesn't.

[00:09:10] I've seen you play games where accuracy matters. And you are terrible. That's not because of my mouse. Yes it is. You overshoot because it goes so goddamn fast. Don't look at me like I'm crazy. You are not skilled enough to use a DPS that high. Are you just Googling how fast should my mouse be?

[00:09:34] No I was actually looking to see where my book was in the seller's rank. Shut up. Because I had it open so I could tell you. Because I was excited that I got a review. My second review. For what? For my book. Abyssal. How? You cannot. All right. It doesn't work like this anymore. You got more than one. You can't just say my book. All right. You got to be specific. Perfect.

[00:10:05] Yeah. So Abyssal now has two reviews. I liked this person. They're one of the people that found my book through threads. And I just wanted to. This one part of his review made me laugh. Because he goes. I don't know if this is my fault or the author's. But I had some difficulty distinguishing between this, this, this, and this. I will assume it's my fault. Did he say this? No. He said between Abiluma, Hope, the coral, and the sea monster. Dude.

[00:10:35] I gave you that same feedback when you first wrote it. And if you're watching this reviewer. Just know the first draft way worse. Like you couldn't tell that they were all in the same universe. Because you're just like this is all the same object. So it's not your fault. Yeah. No. So some of it's intentional. But there's a lot I could have definitely clarified. So like no. It's not your fault. Blame the author. Not you.

[00:11:04] It is 100% not your fault. Like I said. The first draft. Way more confusing. That I reviewed. It. Now. Reading it like a third or fourth time. I think that I read it. It was much more understandable. To like differentiate. But I agree. The first time going through. It's very confusing. So like I'm doing that interview with this. It's this podcast called Grimoire Fantasy. And he sent me a list of questions. And one of the questions was something about that. Where it was like.

[00:11:34] You know. What changed the most and stuff. And I'm like man. I wish I could explain to people. What this first draft looked like. Because. So much. Is completely different. From how I first imagined the story. Like. Like. Even just like who the villains were. And like. First imagined nothing. Your first draft left me. Not wanting to read it again. So I was like. Oh my goodness. Damn. I'm glad you didn't tell me that. Because I would have never finished writing it. That story made no sense. When it first came out.

[00:12:04] Like the characters didn't care about each other at all. They were all just like. Dialogue. And then they would move on to the next scene. Like. Oh. That was. It's. Listen. If you're trying to write a book. And you're like. I could never write a book. It would not make sense. It doesn't need to the first time. The first draft. Is where you just throw up on the page. And hope for the best. And then you get feedback. And you figure out. It's kind of like molding a lump of clay. You know. Slowly but surely. It becomes something good.

[00:12:33] At first it's just kind of some clay. But then. You get like a lump. A little bust. I have no problem. Like getting. Clay. But when I go. Hey. You should shape that arm a little better. And then you go. Okay. And you take that clay. And then you walk back over. Right. And then you turn back around. And be like. I shaped it. It's better now. And you give me legs. And I'm like. The fuck is this? You're like. I made legs. Like you said. And I'm like. No.

[00:13:02] I said arm. You're like. No. You said shape it. And I'm like. That's not at all. What my comments said. At all. You're like. Well. I thought they did. All right. Yeah. My bad. Sorry for using English. It's crazy. I get a little obsessive. Obsessive of nothing, bro. You do not. You get obsessed with like doing things quickly. That's not true. It is true. Twice. You sent me revisions. Where you ignored.

[00:13:32] Where I was like. Hey. You're missing punctuation. My brain just goes too fast. What did I just say? You were rushing. All right. Just saying. Oh. I saw a thing. I saw a thing the other day. Where people were arguing about. What the fastest language was. And I saw an argument that I was like. This is. I don't know why. People would argue against it. What do you think the fastest language is?

[00:14:01] What's that click language? I have no idea. Is that what you're guessing though? Yeah. Why do you guess that? Um. Oh. There's a few different ones. But. The main ones that people would know. Would be like. African languages. Like Zulu. But it's like. Where they use their teeth. And. Mouths to like. Click rapidly.

[00:14:30] I feel like that would be the fastest. Because you don't have to like. Fully make a sound. Like. It's just. Rapid mouth movements. Okay. You want to take a second guess? Sign language. Sign language is the correct. Correct answer. Why? Because every other language. Is based on the speed of sound. Sign language you have to see. Which is based on the speed of light. So it's faster.

[00:15:00] People were arguing. Like. I get it. Like. Oh no. You can get more words out faster. You're like. Yeah. But you didn't define fast. Now you didn't define. Like. Words per minute. I'm sure there are other languages. That are much faster. And it's like. Do we need to say. That it needs to be something. Understandable. Or can people just throw a bunch of signs at you. And you're like. That's fast. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about whether. The. The amount of words per minute. Versus the amount of signs per minute. That you can do. You can probably get. A language. Language.

[00:15:30] Or a number of languages. That the speaking part of it. Is faster than the signing part of it. However. Just on. Like an understanding. Like. Of the transmission portion. Mm-hmm. The fastest transmission. Is. Is sign language. Because it's transmitted over light. Not sound. Okay. I guess if you think about it that way. So there were. There were arguments. On both sides. But I like the argument. That sign language. Is the fastest language. Like they can't hear. Give them this one. All right.

[00:16:00] You know what I mean. You could be a little nice. Good. But you. What? But why would I. Would you just hate deaf people? Is that what you're saying? That's not at all what I said. Wow. She hates deaf people. You hear this? It's okay. They won't hear it. Some deaf people are assholes. I felt like that was a pretty solid joke. That I made.

[00:16:30] Some par with like. Making fun of Amish people. Online. And like. How are they going to find out? Punching down. You know? Nah. One of my. One of these scary movies. I liked the most. Was about Amish people. Actually. It's like one of the newer. Paranormal activity films. And these people. Are like found. That. They find that they have. Like long lost family. In like Amish country.

[00:17:00] And they decided to. Go and do like a documentary. About them. And it turns out. They're not Amish people. They never said that they were Amish. They're just like. From a cult. And. The mom. Just walk up. The people dressed in all black. Oh my gosh. How quaint. Like. Yeah. Like. Like. Like. The mom. The mom specifically. Got her daughter out. Because she. Didn't want her to end up like her. In this cult. Um. And the cult spent years. Looking for this girl. Um. So like. It wasn't an accident. That they found her. And she finds like. All this stuff.

[00:17:30] Where they were stalking her. For like. Ever. Basically. Um. But it is. It's a creepy fucking movie. But. Movies where you don't have technology. In them. Are always way scarier. Because I feel like technology. Just makes some paranormal things. Too easy to overcome. You know. Like. Werewolf versus chainsaw. Is not quite the same. As like. A guy on a farm. In the 1920s. Trying to fight one off. With like a hatchet. Like. You know. It's just. A little bit harder.

[00:18:01] Or not being able to have a cell phone. To call people for help. I was. I was going more cell phone route. And then you're like. Ah. Chainsaw is too much technology. And I was like. I feel like chainsaw has been around. For a minute. Yes. Yes. Unfortunately. I thought you were going to be like. And then he called the police. On the cell phone. Because they didn't take out. The fucking landline. I did. I watched. That movie. Nope. A while ago. Or like. Last week. It's by the same people. Who wrote. Us. And Get Out. But.

[00:18:30] It's about like. Aliens. Coming down. And. I had a. I had a reason. I was saying this. I couldn't tell you. Oh no. At one point. One of the guys in the movie. Sees like. This alien. This shit happening. And he just looks up. And he goes. Nope. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. But. I started out. With it. On the background. Because I was. Baking cookies. Or something. And.

[00:19:00] I was like. Oh. I just need something. To give me some noise. But then I kept coming over. And doing that thing. Where like. You end up standing behind the couch. And just like. Watching it. When you're like. Oh. I'm going to do other stuff. And then you just end up. Like. Just staring. It was actually really good. Black cowboys. And aliens. It's a fun. Fun combination. Does the race matter. In this? Mostly just because. Jordan Peele. Makes movies specifically.

[00:19:30] For black people. To have roles. That aren't like. A black role. You know. Like it's not. About them specifically. Being black. Like. Like they're cowboys. And they're black. But they're not like. Having racism. Perpetuated against them. It's not like a. Trauma story. Type of thing. Which I like. Except for maybe Get Out. I feel like you could argue. Get Out was definitely. About race and trauma. Did you ever see that? Yeah but like. If it's not about.

[00:20:01] Race. And it's just. Cowboy versus alien. Why. Why feel the need to mention. That he was black. I don't know. Maybe some people will watch it. Because of that. I don't know. You know. Like they'll be like. You know. I'm black. And I want to see somebody. Who looks like me. Be a cowboy. And it not be like. A slave cowboy. I don't know. Because I do feel like. A slave cowboy. Yeah. Because like.

[00:20:31] I feel like a lot of times. In movies. Especially American movies. Like. That take place. Like. In different places. You're making me. You're stressing me out. Yeah. Lights are getting real hot. In here. My point is. I think. And. Black people deserve to see themselves. In movies. Besides. Things like. Tyler Perry. Like. The Madea family. And stuff like that. Like. I don't know.

[00:21:02] So your. Your political stance is. Black people deserve movie. That's. That's what we're going with. I don't know if that's really political. But. I think you deserve movies. Where. You are more than just. Like. Playing like. Slave roles. Like in. 12 Years a Slave. Or Django Unchained. Do you think there are more movies. Where black people are slaves. Than there are movies where black people are not slaves.

[00:21:32] No. I don't know. I don't think so. So. Your dreams already come true. Is what you're saying. Man. There are already more movies. Where there are more than just slaves. You know. I do. How? Jesus. I do think there are a lot of movies. Where like. Black people are forced to play like a stereotype character. Like. Like they're a caretaker. You know. Or like. Like Native Americans for example. They're always like. Oh. The wise figure.

[00:22:02] What? Like. A lot of. Stereotypes. In movies. Like. Native Americans. Will be like. The wise. Like. Leader. Figure. That shows somebody. How to do something. Or gives them the information they need. To do something. I'm pretty sure. Most of those are. They're just like. Showing them doing. Like. Mind altering drugs. And being like. This will show you the way. To come to think of it. A lot of my experience with that.

[00:22:32] Is because of Stephen King. So. Mileage may vary on that one. The man was. Doing a lot of drugs. When he wrote those books. I don't know where you just. Turned down race alley today. It's crazy. No. I feel like we need to start over. Wrap it up. New episode. You know how. You know how. There's some tasks.

[00:23:02] That. Just are not fun. To do. Most of them. So. Well you don't like breathing now. Come on now. I try not to think about it. So. Like for you. I know you. For some reason. You just don't. Want to fold laundry. Yeah. Like you'll leave it in the dryer. For days. Just to be like. I hope you enjoyed your time. In the dungeon. I will live out of the dryer. I will.

[00:23:32] Fold you. Right. And. I. I was thinking about it the other day. And I realized I have something similar. And I don't know why. It's just. I think it's just. No. Can't tell you. So. For me. It's. It's my nails. Like I just. For some reason. Every time. They grow out. And I see them. And they annoy me. And I know I need to cut them. And I just don't. And I'm like. They'll. Get cut. Eventually. They'll get cut. Eventually. Yeah. You know. Like they're.

[00:24:01] Right now. They're long as shit. And I hate it. And. So. It's not. Usually. A problem. But it. Was a problem. This past week. Yeah. Yeah. So. I was at the gym. And. Don't worry. It's going somewhere. All right. Don't. Give me that crazy look. I mean. You were patient with my story. And. So.

[00:24:31] I was at the gym. And. I was just running. As one does. Just. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And. So. Then I felt. A nail. And it. Was like. Ching. And cut. Right. And I was like. Oh my gosh. And it hurt. And. Then I kept running. So. And honestly. At first. It didn't feel like. A nail. Or I got cut. If. I was like. Man.

[00:25:01] That was. Like. It felt like. My. My foot. Had cramped a little bit. Or something. Oh. And I was like. Huh. Okay. Sure. Kept running. Kept running. Well. I got to. About mile three. And I was like. My feet. Do not sweat this much. And not. Like if. And when my feet do sweat. It's not. Just the left one. You know. Yeah. So then I got to mile three and a half. And I was like. This is just blood. In my shoe.

[00:25:31] Not. Sweat. So I made it. I got my goal done. Right. And I came upstairs. And. Yes. Because that's what's important. It is. Is that why you like. Rushed into the bathroom. And you're like. Leave me alone. I didn't say leave me alone. I came back in. You're like. How was the run? And I was like. It was eventful. And you were like. Oh. Okay. Didn't ask any follow-up questions. No. You said. We could talk about it on the podcast. No. That was later. And.

[00:26:02] Which also. Like. You saw me take off my. Shoes. And my socks. And my foot. Was just red. And you were just like. Yeah. We'll talk about that later. It didn't care at all. My left foot was just red. And I was like. Told of you to assume I noticed. That's what I'm saying. And so. So then I was thinking about. I was like. Man. All those times. When you were like. Oh yeah. You're. You're. You would kick me. Right. And then get mad that my toenails.

[00:26:32] Were in self-defense mode. And you got hurt. And this time. They were just in like. Auto self-defense. And they hurt me. And I was like. Oh my goodness. This man has sharp fucking toenails. Okay. Like. Jesus. I've cut my toes. On his toenails. Don't kick me. Never my own. Yeah. So. I. I guess I had self-defense. Set to. Target all. Instead of like. Target others. You know. So. That's how I went to the gym. And.

[00:27:03] Cut my. Own foot. And then just ran with blood in my shoe. For a while. And then. Got back. And still did not cut my nails. So. You know. It is what it is. But. It's the equivalent of laundry. In my mind. I feel like it's a bit worse. Actually. No. Because my laundry is not going to like. Attack me. Hopefully. If my laundry grows legs and attacks me. We've got problems. I mean. You've left it in the washer before.

[00:27:33] And you're like. Ooh. Mold. And then you got to rewash it. So. Yeah. That's true. That's. My least favorite feeling. Is when I realized. I forgot to put something in the dryer. And I'm. It's like. Oh yeah. That feeling where it's like. Like. Laundry. Yep. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. But. Yeah. So that's. That's what's been going on with me. That's what's been going on with you. Don't wink at me. Yeah. Yeah. Are you.

[00:28:02] You just winking at chat over there? Gigi chat. Gigi. Anyway. This has been Mindless Prattle. That's Jordon. I'm Ripley. I'm going to bring it back down now. And. And we're your hosts of Mindless Prattle. We hope you liked what you heard. If you did.

[00:28:31] Please make sure to like. And subscribe our videos. They come out every Tuesday. With the podcast episodes coming out every Monday. Um. Yeah. We got new clips coming out too. Ripley's finally posting more. Yes. I did realize the clip that I posted on Thursday. We already had posted. There was two of them. Two of the same clip. What? In the folder. I don't believe that. Okay. Well I. Either didn't put it in the folder the right way or whatever. But.

[00:29:01] We are making the clips. The one that says Lincoln's twin. Uh huh. There's only one of them. I don't know where you're looking. You know what? That's the end of the episode. We're moving on. What do you think a good nickname for. For the podcast is. Mup. MP.

[00:29:31] That could work too. What's them MPers? We're going to workshop that one. Oh I'm hilarious. It's going to be a big workshop.